"it" just moved
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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