Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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