cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
