I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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