Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize