Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
