o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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