i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
