Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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