rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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