I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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