I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
