i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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