I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
