ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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