ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
