I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
