I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize