When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
