I'm jealous of your bromance
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
lets start a swedish sibling band together
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
