got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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