This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
