Sry I called you an 8
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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