I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize