dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
