In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
