She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
