Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
