: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
