oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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