He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
