sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
