No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize