called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
