So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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