you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
