his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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