i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
