You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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