he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
