you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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