she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
