I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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