I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
