At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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