i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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