I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
