well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
