Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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