woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
