You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
