Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
