walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
