i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
