dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
