FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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