i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
