i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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