Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So squirting runs in the family.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
