I love black thongs
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
