Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
