some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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