I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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