did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I look better un-naked...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
