I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
