were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize