Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
