So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
