just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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