alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
