So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
