i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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