Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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