Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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