i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
