Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
